I barely slept last night. I think I was trying to process all of my emotions. I am not very good at articulating them. It does help to try.
We woke up this morning to an e-mail that said the SDA will not consider D. as "Special Needs" and they will not separate sibling groups. This is appearing to us as a closed door. My heart breaks! We have loved this child for a year, imagined her as part of our family, dreamt about her growing up with us and then everything changes in a day! The hardest part is going to be seeing her when we go to Ukraine to get V. Somehow, we will have to tell D. we can't take her too. How do you tell an eight year old "Sorry you have a brother and Papa is a year too old to adopt him"? Please pray God will provide another family who can take D. and her little brother. I know God loves D. far more than I ever could. He will be her "Daddy and Mommy" right now. She is part of His very heart. I really wanted to be her Mommy. I know Kevin really wanted to be her Daddy. Garrett wanted to be her brother and Morgan wanted to be her big sister, God has other plans. I always knew adoption takes many twists and turns but this wasn't a turn I expected or could have prepared myself for.
Our SDA appointment will be coming up soon... We barely have time to grieve our loss. We are faced with decisions we need to be thinking about now. We are approved for two children. Even though D. cannot be replaced, there are many children who need homes. Does God have someone else for us? Did God use D. and V. to open us up to going to Ukraine? We never would have gone this direction without them. Please pray for our family as we continue walking through this journey. Please pray God will keep us flexible and open to His will and not our own desires.
Psalm 23 quiets my soul today. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads my beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.
Pam
About Me
- Kevin and Pam
- Kevin and I have been married for 19 years. We have two heart grown children from the United States,adopted at birth, Garrett 16 and Morgan 14, one heart grown child from Ukraine in 2008, Justin age 13. We also have two dogs, Mattie and Halley, adopted from the local animal shelter. Adoption is close to our family's heart.
3 comments:
oh - I am so sorry. That must be so disappointing. God is so good - keep trusting that His plan is always the best....Sometimes it it so confusing and yet He is sovereign and praise the Lord we can trust in His character and His will.
I'll be praying for you as I know this is such a disappointment....
I'm a little confused...the top thing on your blog says you are adopting two kids but now this entry says that it's one girl (?) Sorry I'm new to your blog :O)
Tracy,
We started with two kids (non-siblings) The 8 year old boy we still plan to adopt, the 8 year old girl has the 5 year old brother who we cannont adopt. The closed door is for the girl and her brother.
We'll be praying for you! The adoption process is such a heart-wrenching, emotional journey. Continue to lean on God. I know He's the only reason we're still doing this :)
Staci
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